Monthly Archives: December 2011

Grandparents Visit

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re … Continue reading

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Home Depot Trips

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house – mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have … Continue reading

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The Paint Can

After being together in a new relationship, a young couple wanted to join the church in their neighborhood. The pastor told them, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. First, you must abstain from sex for an entire month.” The … Continue reading

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Welfare Check

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said,”Hi. You know…., I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the … Continue reading

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Seniors at Dunkin Donuts

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one. “Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad; I can’t … Continue reading

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Cheap

Tom went out shopping for a Christmas present for his wife. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle … Continue reading

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A Christmas Joke

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: “What do you do at Christmas time?” Patrick addressed the class: “Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very … Continue reading

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Coping with Christmas Shopping

A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had  “disappeared”. The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: Where the hell are you? … Continue reading

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Colonoscopy

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, Trying to decide who was the one in charge. “I should be in charge,” said the brain, “Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.” … Continue reading

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Don’t Drink & Drive this Holiday Season

I want  to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the … Continue reading

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