Monthly Archives: October 2012

The Dress

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified … Continue reading

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Pearls of Wisdom

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.  They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and … Continue reading

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Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for … Continue reading

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Let’s put all the old people in jail

Here’s the way it should be: Let’s put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes. This would correct two things in one motion: Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They would receive unlimited free … Continue reading

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Living Will

While watching a ball game a few weeks back, my wife and I were discussing life and death. I told her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids … Continue reading

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The Phone Call

****Rringgaalinnnnnnggg      rrriiinnaalllingg**** Hello? Hi Honey, This is your Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone? No Daddy, She’s upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul. After a brief pause,,,,. Daddy says, But, Honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul. Oh yes … Continue reading

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IRS Synagogue Audit

The IRS sends their auditor to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.” “Yes,” answered the Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi, what … Continue reading

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Lyin never pays!

That lyin’ just never pays!! John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast … Continue reading

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Hot and Cold Sex

After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: ‘You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?’ ‘In fact, I do.’ said the old man. “After my wife … Continue reading

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Quote of the Day

‘Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. … Continue reading

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